mount gay rum

You drank a bit down
Spilled the rest of it in me
And that's the minute i let go
Your direction
With the bending of the light
If i remember it right
It carried on just fine
But tonight i will cry myself to sleep

Every rain makes its way into somebody's song
As a way to relieve the pain
This one is calling me out of my shelter
To face the truth
But i still love

More than one time
This color has been mine
To consume the energy
To be a painter
And cover all the blue
I would give up wanting you
But still the morning sun
Will leak into my window when i'm done

Every rain makes its way into somebody's song
As a way to relieve the pain
This one is calling me out of my shelter
To face the truth
But i still love

Searching for my intuition
Even though i recognize
Myself in all these silver walls
But as i star they all break me down

curious

Someone tell me what to do
I feel like I must be a fool
For ending up right back at the start
The things that we don't comprehend
Are laughing at my mind again

I think that I think too hard
And I don't give enough credit to my heart
I'm so
Damn curious to know
And there are too
Many unanswered questions
Then we hold on to

I've put my theories to the test
You know I've tried to do my best
But maybe we weren't meant to strike gold
Sometimes things that you ignore
Are all the things
I'm looking for
Will I learn to let go
Give into love and listen to my soul
I'm so
Damn curious to know

Then we hold on to portraits of loved ones
and are more than what I see
All the elements they capture
A different dimension we've yet to define
There's a forest to cut through with thorns and vines
Is there really a reason to try

the last 30 days

the last 30 days have been a roller coaster.

one year ago today a friend committed suicide
my dad had a scary accident last week

being the executor of Carolyn's will (who died a little over five months ago)has me doing more stuff this week that I didnt' plan on
and then all these memories flooding in
remembering how she'd shower the Es with gifts each year
going into a funky little boutique and catching myself thinking how much she'd like something that I'd see

There's nothing like paying for your friend's tombstone the week before Christmas.

and other things like
figuring out what love is (and being so undeniably happy that I couldn't believe it was real)
and what its not as Paul has been the topic of my latest blogs

I feel like I'm off kilter. way off.

and it hasn't been an easy year as death, sickness and heartache seems to have been the overriding themes this year (Someone said to me last week...can anything else go wrong for you this year?)

but....

while I can't control what happens, I can control how I react.
and while I don't always react the best under such formidable circumstances....especially in retrospect
I have this undeniable hope
this outlook for the better

That life will bring joy
and love will always win

So for those close to me.
Please
be patient with me
please please.

dreaming with a broken heart

love this song

the piano
the lyrics
the melody

makes me teary

it captures the pain we all have felt
at one time or another
so well

for a broken heart is like broken ribs
you never know how much it hurts
until you breathe


****************
by John Mayer

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Baby won't you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

reading binge

i'm on a reading and music binge these days
it all feeds my soul
which seems to be so thirsty right now

I bought
the Delusion of God
the Last Bolyn
Kite Runner
Perilous Power

eclectic choices
but enough of a distraction

for now ;)

duped

duped
had
used
tresspassed

the unknown

i feel like i'm on the brink of something
a fork in the road
and I'm scared
of the unknown

it makes me catch my breath
it makes me tremble

i am moving forward
to where I don't know

if only
i could just sleep
be at peace
to know
to feel
to be