Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Red Camels or Red Bull Extract

Just the other week, I started smoking. Cigarettes. Red Camels, to be exact. Just one every five days or so.

Left over from Catherine, Doug's roommate. What was supposed to be cigerettes hidden from her has become my vice.

Maybe because I want to see what it's like. Or maybe I'm just bored. Maybe it's out of some latent self-destructive impulse since I can't seem to get out of this god forsaken funk. Maybe it was the celebrity-endorsed TV ads. Maybe its all the pressure at work. Maybe because nothing is going right. Maybe I just need to calm down.

Most likely, this is what happens when I stop myself from blogging and I can't figure out life. I need some way to get my brain scum out, and the best way I can do that, I think, is by sucking on ash. Really, I don't know why I've started. I think it might be an experiment.

When I started, I smoked until I wanted to die.

You know, how your head hurts, your stomach feels inside out, and you feel like you've been sucking down your car exhaust pipe.

I can't take it anymore. I realized I was addicted around lunch time when I wanted to puke--from my lungs, not my stomach--but the thought of taking a drag was lingering in my mind.

I kept coming up with excuses to smoke, little voices in my head telling me I needed another cigarette right then. I ignored the impulse until work ended, and my day turned to shit.

Started chain smoking and screaming, swearing and punching my steering wheel. Well, not really. I just had one. In fact, all I have is Catherine's original pack of cigerettes with just a handful gone.

Don't tell me to stop.

If you really care about my health, you will send me illegal drugs to abuse,and concentrated Red Bull extract to keep me upright.

Don't worry, I'll blog about movies next. Or something. After I smoke. ;)


Blogger re:becca said...

and, yes, i'm being over melodramtic, MOM!

8:53 PM  
Blogger Thom said...

Remember: Winners never quit. :)

7:55 PM  
Blogger Byron said...

Be warned: Smoking in my vicinity gives me an uncanny urge to find a casino. :P

12:26 AM  
Blogger re:becca said...

i gambled last week in aruba.
i played.
i lost.
and you can smoke in those casinos.
but i didn't as smoking and asthma really don't mix well together.
maybe i should quit asthma and become a hard core smoker. ;)

2:50 PM  

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